The Answer
“DISLODGING ROUND PEGS FROM SQUARE HOLES”
From The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle
“We commonly confuse closeness with sameness and view intimacy as the merging of two separate “I”s into one worldview.”
-Harriet Lerner
So, how can I advocate that women surrender to their husbands and still identify myself as a feminist?
I believe that feminism addresses what I want at work, but says little about what to do in my marriage. In the workplace, I would never settle for anything less than equal pay, equal opportunity, and having a voice equal to my male counterparts. But at home, those qualities contribute nothing to the romantic, intimate relationship I want. With John, I am softer and more flexible, a feminine spirit who delights in being attended to.
People sometimes ask me why the roles in a marriage can’t be reversed. Why can’t the husband defer to his wife and tell her what he wants? Perhaps they can be reversed; however, it did not work for me, and it wasn’t working for the women I know who adopted the principle of surrendering in their marriage. John Gray has some ideas about why that is.
In Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Gray put forth the best-selling message that men and women are indeed different; psychological, emotionally, aspirationally. I was relieved because for years, so many of us had tried so hard to say that despite the obvious physical difference, men and women were alike. He says women are Venusians and men are Martians. Said another way, women are round pegs, and men are square pegs. Naturally then, women are more comfortable in round holes and men are more comfortable in square holes. When a woman embraces the feminine role in her marriage and the man embraces the masculine role, everyone is more comfortable.
True, a square peg can go into a round hole, and vice versa, but we all know how uncomfortable that is.
Eastern philosophy describes the same concept using the words yin and yang. Yin is the spirit of the female and yang is the spirit of the male. These two concepts are represented by shapes that fit together exactly and form a perfect circle.
From The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle
“We commonly confuse closeness with sameness and view intimacy as the merging of two separate “I”s into one worldview.”
-Harriet Lerner
So, how can I advocate that women surrender to their husbands and still identify myself as a feminist?
I believe that feminism addresses what I want at work, but says little about what to do in my marriage. In the workplace, I would never settle for anything less than equal pay, equal opportunity, and having a voice equal to my male counterparts. But at home, those qualities contribute nothing to the romantic, intimate relationship I want. With John, I am softer and more flexible, a feminine spirit who delights in being attended to.
People sometimes ask me why the roles in a marriage can’t be reversed. Why can’t the husband defer to his wife and tell her what he wants? Perhaps they can be reversed; however, it did not work for me, and it wasn’t working for the women I know who adopted the principle of surrendering in their marriage. John Gray has some ideas about why that is.
In Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Gray put forth the best-selling message that men and women are indeed different; psychological, emotionally, aspirationally. I was relieved because for years, so many of us had tried so hard to say that despite the obvious physical difference, men and women were alike. He says women are Venusians and men are Martians. Said another way, women are round pegs, and men are square pegs. Naturally then, women are more comfortable in round holes and men are more comfortable in square holes. When a woman embraces the feminine role in her marriage and the man embraces the masculine role, everyone is more comfortable.
True, a square peg can go into a round hole, and vice versa, but we all know how uncomfortable that is.
Eastern philosophy describes the same concept using the words yin and yang. Yin is the spirit of the female and yang is the spirit of the male. These two concepts are represented by shapes that fit together exactly and form a perfect circle.
posted by Miss Pesch @ 2:19 PM
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